the keyboard is not the same as i remember cos i smashed that old one to pieces. these new keys are too mushy, and far too far apart...

i'm sitting atop my tiny achievement, this whole new system of binary sound via intriguing controls... and i feel.. pleased... readily awaiting the two tiny silver and white machines to arrive and the host of rack-mountable midi control devices with the chance to again attempt this bizarre bare brass body-contact electro switching panel i know i can get to work properly...

i say it all in one breath, holding some back still...

because something doesn't feel real.

it's been over six months since i last used this computer, and i'd forgotten how things look and feel. how fuzzy words appear here... wondering if i'll ever get that cadence back. practice the rudiments well enough and even i could sound like that.

so, i dream of machines and programming things and building mechanical controlling devices while peeling the remnants of dried up paint and primer and glue from my hands in my nervous moments of 'oh holy fuck, how do i get this to work properly?'

i keep holding my breath. never fully letting it escape, and never quite letting enough in.